It felt like my head was leaving my neck. All I could do was stare at him, unbelievably stunned. Why didn’t he tell me what was planned for me? Why did he have to hit me? I was too stunned to cry, I lay whimpering as my hands and feet were pulled open, stretched taunt. I guess it was because I had tightened every muscle it hurt like hell. I turned my head and looked beyond them out the window centering on the vivid sunset thinking of the old saying ‘Red sky at sunset sailor’s delight.’ I thought, it would be a nice day tomorrow, I will live to see it. “I will live to see it” became my silent mantra as I retreated into myself. My body was their toy, my soul remained my own. I felt the bed slump with the weight of the men, though remained limp, safely away. Hands moved up my arms slowly. I felt a moist hand trailing up my left leg while the large dry and calloused hand of Master scrapped up my right leg to the knee and down again to my foot. They were playing me as if they had. I would confront him, ask him about his needs and why he was masturbating, and exorcize the demons that had already begun to haunt me. When I knocked on his door I heard a faint, ‘um…come in?’ I entered and found him sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. He looked scared and guarded. ‘I didn’t come to yell at you or embarrass you further, baby,’ I said. ‘I merely came to have a brief chat and see what we can do to make things better for you in this house.’ ‘Better?’ he questioned. ‘Yes, better. You see,’ I began, ‘I feel that what I saw you doing a few minutes ago is a symptom of my mothering. I think that it is a result of a weakness in our relationship — an indication that something needs to be remedied.’ ‘Mom, it has nothing to do with you. I’m just a guy and that’s what guys do.’ ‘It has everything to do with me, Robbie. It is not ‘just what guys do,’ it is a perversion of nature, it is what guys do when they can’t do it properly…..with a woman.’ ‘Well, I’m not that popular.
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